The Five Love Languages and You

“If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” RuPaul.


A couple decades ago, Gary Chapman hit a jackpot with a unique idea on love and relationships. He published the book “The Five Love Languages” outlining five different ways that couples tend to give and receive affection. Still to this day I have couples come in and tell me how they have different love languages and it makes it hard to feel connected. Gary basically changed the way we talk about loving each other.

Sadly, many of us don’t struggle with loving others NEARLY as much as we struggle to love ourselves! We spend our lives giving to others, serving others, telling other people how much we love them and passing out hugs! But if you ask us when the last time was that we said anything nice to ourselves, we would be at a loss! We have bad relationships going on inside of us and have NO WAY of knowing how to work out those issues.

So here’s a challenge for you. Take Gary’s languages : Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical touch, Quality Time, and Words of Affirmation and see if you can’t lavish a little of each ON YOURSELF.

Before you go scratching your head thinking I’ve gone and lost it, here are a few ideas of what I mean:

Gifts: Hopefully this one is pretty easy, give yourself a gift. It doesn’t have to be big or even cost any money. You could even make yourself a little heart out of macaroni if you wanted to. But find a way to give yourself a nice thing that shows yourself some love.

Quality Time: Take yourself for a walk. Find a cozy nook and read a good book. Sit in a sunny park and journal. Or even just steal a few quiet moments at the end of a busy day to make a cup of tea and reflect on your self.

Acts of Service: Do something you have been putting off. But instead of doing it and thinking…Ugh I hate this…think about how happy you will be to have it done.

Words of Affirmation: Send yourself an encouraging letter or email. Look yourself in the eye in a mirror and say the nicest thing you can think of. BE KIND TO YOU.

Physical touch: Do something that feels good to your body. Go for a walk, rub on some lotion, brush your hair, take a long hot bath. Or do something that you know is good for your body: visit the doctor, eat a salad, take up running. Love Your Body.


We can strive our entire lives to gain the love and affection of others and end up beating ourselves up when no one is there for us. Or we can focus in and fill up our cups so that the love other people show us just fills us to overflowing. Be kind to you, you have to spend every moment of life with you!